Awhile Without You
by Claudia Tryniti Rae
Summary: Reflections upon a lost loved one and their feelings about it...


Awhile Without You  
By: Claudia Tryniti Rae  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters nor the song... just the idea!  
  
And it's been awhile   
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I first saw you  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could call you  
  
He sat on the balcony, dangeling his legs over the side of the terrace. He watched the world pass by. No one cared that she was gone. Well, no one but himself and Norman. So he sat and reflected upon the times they shared and the things he loved about her. He remembered her deep midnight eyes and her soft auburn hair. The way she teased him and made him realize that he was not, in fact, perfect. She questioned him and argued with him and made him see the world was not as he thought it to be.  
  
And everything I can remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
And consequences that are rendered  
I stretch myself beyond my means  
  
He remembered the way she played that damned piano every morning and woke him. The way she smirked when he told her to stop to say his breakfast was cold. He secretly admired her for standing up to him. He remembered the way she dusted his desk and then stoped to look at the hourglasses. She liked thouse for some reason. She thought they showed the mortality of human life. She, who would not age and would not die.  
  
And it's been awhile  
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted  
And it's been awhile  
Since I can say I love myself aswell  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
And it's been awhile  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you  
  
He remembered the way she looked at him when he drank and the way he would put down his glass to look at her. She didn't like the idea of him drinking as much alcohol as he did. He frowned for a moment. He gave up most of his drinking for her. He closed his eyes as he thought of how long it had been since he'd thought well of himself. Not a day went by where he didn't blame himself for her not being her today. He sighed realizing he was the one that drove her to it. He was the one behind it all.  
  
And everything I can remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
And consequences that are rendered  
I stretch myself beyond my means  
  
He hopped down from the balcony onto the smooth tile. He remembered the look on her face on their wedding day. That purely happy look. She seemed as a goddess, beyond the reach of a mere mortal as himself. But he manmaged to win her heart. That beautiful heart of cast iron and titanium gaskets. Something so precious and fragile he didn't know until her had broken it into a million sharp pieces.  
  
Why must I feel this way?  
Just make this go away  
Just one more peaceful day  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could look at myself straight  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry  
  
He remembered the moment she walked through that door to find another woman in their bed. It didn't matter that he was drunk. It didn't matter that she was drunk. It didn't matter that he called out his wife's name. Nothing mattered other than the fact that he had been unfaithful to the woman he loved more than life itself. He remembered when she threw the young woman with the scars on her back against the wall. He remembered the scream of pain and agony his wife allowed to escape her delicate throat. He rememebered the heated words and hatred that showed in her eyes.  
  
And it's been awhile  
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face  
And it's been awhile  
But I can still remember just the way you taste  
  
He remembered the months before that when he took her out for a romantic dinner. It was a candlelight affair. Black tied and red rosed. Delicious food and delightful conversation. And afterwords... the way her body felt beneith his fingers and the way her taste lingered in his mouth. She was sweet like candy. He thought about the soft moans and cries she sounded to him. THe whispered phrases of everlasting love and wonderful things.   
  
And everything I can remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
And consequences that are rendered  
I stretch myself beyond my means  
  
He let a single tear fall as he thought about the moment he walked into their bathroom to find her lying there. Her motionless form lying on the floor. There she was, his wife of six beautiful years, lying dead. Her face remained in the lovely placid look she had after they joined. Water pooled around her and a live wire laid in it. And that was it. No note, no goodbye. He remembered how he removed the wire from the water and fell to his knees and picked her up. Pleading with the limp form to wake up and kiss him. To move a hand and mend the heart that was shattered inside that shell he called a body.  
  
And it's been awhile  
Since I could hold my head up high  
And it's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry  
  
With those final thoughts he retreated back into the empty mansion he called a home. No longer was a stirring concerto played in the morning. No longer was there the company at the dinner table. No longer was there a warm body holding him tight at night. No longer was there Dorothy. His Dorothy. His lovely wife. No longer was there happiness in his bleak world of black and grey. No longer was there anything to live for...  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
